Ubuntu and Back to the Good Life

Tanzania, China, Thailand, Brazil... these are some of the places that have areas that are visibly struggling economically or to fit into the Western ideal, or the classified Third World Countries. These countries also have beautiful idealic vacation spots that the Western world loves to see. However, while travelling to these vacation spots you can't avoid seeing some rough spots on the way.
Good actions most people have learned are to have compassion and to help in the moment. My problem is that we learn and witness these hardships, but on the way home these 'rough spots' stay in that country and are usually never brought back to our blissful lives.

I want to live their hardships. Understand it. Not loose my current life but to try to experience becoming removed from the life I am so used to. I believe it is healthy to be out of your elements at some points. Everyone knows the expression to "walk a mile in someone else's shoes", but remember that that 'someone' has to walk a lifetime in those shoes. 

UBUNTU

An anthropologist proposed a game to the kids in an African tribe. He put a basket full of fruit near a tree and told the kids that who ever got there first won the sweet fruits. When he told them to run they all took each others hands and ran together, then sat together enjoying their treats. When he asked them why they had run like that as one could have had all the fruits for himself they said: ''UBUNTU, how can one of us be happy if all the other ones are sad?''
'UBUNTU' in the Xhosa culture means: "I am because we are"

We need to understand Ubuntu. I find it so interesting seeing how society is viewed in different parts of the world, in different religions, and in different families.


In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints there is a beautiful proclamation to the world about the family unit (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). It mentions the tricks to a successful marriage and a happy family are "established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities". It also says "the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold". I believe this to be true. If we have successful marriages, happy families and connected communities, we would be rid of most of the severe hardships in the world. 

Learn from what you see, don't forget what you see. 

Countdown

Only ONE day left until my husband will return from Tanzania. He has been gone for 5 weeks...which is forever for us that are used to spend every second possible together as best friend. I am running around trying to prepare a perfect homecoming for him with a new dinner menu we have never tried (steak with mole sauce (chocolate chili sauce), fried eggplants, cornbread, spelt pearls salad with zucchini and a unique sauce with peanut, sesame, soy flavors) and I have to say it is hard to find tomatillos in a country where nobody has every heard of them. I have cleaned the whole house, organized, and decorated, bought him a gift and planned activities. I want him to be excited to come home. Even though I am doing this extra effort when he has been gone for a longer time, I still try to make his homecoming in the everyday life special as well. Home should always be a positive place that you want to come back to. So I have learned that I can definitely complain about my day to him, but you shouldn't attack your spouse right when I comes in the door, wait a while. Our rules in our marriage means the world to me... we don't give 50/50 to each other, that is probably an 'ok' life, but we strive to always give a 100%. If we both do this we have noticed we will have a happy marriage. 

Here's us watering the grass around us on our honeymoon in Thailand.
We have just walked over a thousand steps (steep) staircase together.

Pause to Patience

I have had many times when my life seems like it is on pause. This are the 'scenes' that are usually cut from the finished movie made up of our lives, when you view (tell) it to others. These pauses can consist of many situation: Waiting for an answer to a job application you have sent in, wanting to do something but can't because it relies on other people, wanting a child but your body will not cooperate, waiting for school to start, lack of money which prevent possibilities, is your child getting into that kindergarten, etc. One thing that I always get out of these at times frustrating pauses is a great ability to become more patient. I will say pause leads to patience even if you want them or not. However it would be great if the person watching "Linnea" the movie would please press play. (By the way wouldn't it by cool to have a soundtrack to your life sometimes.)

My mother always uses a different metaphor for life, she tells me that my life is like a book. That all the things that have happened are chapters already written. The previous chapters will never disappear, but they lead up to your current chapter.

(My mother's dog on pause.)

Balance and Disappointments

Disappointment! Everyone knows the feeling. There is the form of being disappointed because of a situation or a person, but there is also the one where you feel like the disappointment. There are days where the latter definitely is the case. However, lately this 'day' has lasted a very long time. Wikipedia says that disappointment is the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations or hopes to manifest.
I feel that the word misunderstandings or the fact of not understanding or not knowing should be included in one version of the description of the word disappointment.
There are many disappointments in life. Never forget that hope is still the key to success. Evan Esar says

"Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment"

The feeling of disappointment can be felt as something has been stolen from you, as some injustice. I have heard it been described as a bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectations (Eric Hoffer).

I would rather live my life with some moments of disappointments, than to expect nothing so to never be disappointed. A life that is not lived will never make any mistakes, but will also never grow and develop.

But you can always stick with the dreams like Marilyn Monroe:

"Dreaming about being an actress, is more exciting then being one"

How are you supposed to have balance in your life? I just watched the movie 'I don't know how she does it' that is a great example of just this. She has the job, the husband, the children, her dream... You have to have your priority list straight. She noticed that if she focused on the wrong part of the life that includes 'everything'   someone always got disappointed. So disappointment was a constant companion in her 'perfect life' that included 'everything'. In the end of the movie she somehow ends up keeping all parts of her life, she just set a list of priorities and followed it to a t. Family of course being at the top - then getting rid of the ugly word disappointment. 

Everytime most people introduce a new part into their life, the question of balance will occur as an issue. I have seen many people close to me, including myself, becoming feeling a third version of disappointment. Disappointment in themselves. Always expecting the perfection and balance of their expectations to arrive on the first train while not understanding that there are usually bumps, overbooking, sidetracking, and multiple opinions on the way to a satisfied balance. Balance is acquired not automatically received. 

Big Fish Are Caught With Big Fish Hooks

My husband loves to fish. He grew up going out with his father and bonding while waiting for the fish to get hooked. My best friend also loved fishing and being out in nature. I obviously had not gotten the memo growing up. I am now slowly trying to learn.  I feel I am still working on the patience a fisherman has required over the years. Days before my husbands birthday I went to the store to buy him a present, I knew he needed new hooks. When I got there and there was a wall full, I was lost. Small hook and big hooks which included freshwater, saltwater, treble hooks, bait hooks, worm hooks, the hooks with the fake fish, spinners, bobbers.... you get the idea. I ended up getting him some freshwater hooks with the fake fish on them for Pike and Perch. One of his first comments when he got the hooks was to mention how big they were. We went fishing not long after to try them out and not long after throwing them in the water he caught a big Perch. First hand experience...

"Big fish are caught with big fish hooks."

You need to buy the right equipment for what you want to catch. People don't use nose spray when they are having stomach cramps.

The Parade of Ants or Elephants?

Are you in the pursuit of ants or elephants. I see the ants as small and all they do is work and the elephant as large, wise, patient, kind and according to an African proverb no work is to hard for an elephant.

Seeing the elephant as the future and as dreams and goals....I am definitely in the pursuit of elephants.
It can be intimidating with something so large ahead, but if you do like my husband always tells me...

"You must eat an elephant one bite at a time."

...then I believe you will have success in reaching your biggest goal. Mine is to make change in the world. How? I have a lot of ideas and don't know how they will all play out in the end, but if I take that one bite at a time it won't be like the days where I feel like I have a million things to do and I don't know where to start and therefore I do nothing. This blog I hope will help me and others to learn about themselves and go for their dreams.

I wish you all White Elephant Dreams